Body Language Archives

Warm Eye Contact or ???

eye-openYou want warm-eye contact. Not scalding hot. Not ice-cold.

Staring at people eyes is like ratcheting up the temperature in a room and serving scalding hot coffee. The conversation partner will feel uncomfortable and want get away to “cool” off.

Some go the other extreme.

They avoid eye-contact. They may stair at the hair, the picture on the wall, the carpet, etc.

This comes across as ice-cold. Many people are not intentionally being rude or cold, but their lack of eye-contact screams rudeness and unfriendliness.

That’s unfortunate because sometimes it’s shyness or lack of training which is causing people to avoid eye-contact.

A simple solution will cause you to have warm eye contact and your eyes will never glaze over. Your Charisma and Likeability will shoot up faster than the temperature of the water I’m boiling tea right now.

Here it is:

When talking and listening, scan your eyes around the eye-brows, eyes, and middle of the nose. 

Keep your eyes moving. Go to a mirror and try it. Now apply this with the next person you talk with.

Let me know your results. There are a few other secrets to great eye-contact which you can find in the Conversation Success System.

Are You Making these Eye Contact Mistakes?

33-1215524648ej7bToday, I interacted with dozens of people. 3 out of 4 were making at least one of these eye contact mistakes.  

Make these mistakes in an extreme way and it could be the last date or business contact.

It’s easy to fall into these bad habits. Great eye-contact starts with recognizing these mistakes.

#1: Avoidance

Basically zero eye-contact. The eyes are open and looking around, the ground, or for next conversation partner. Some do this out of shyness. Others out of bad habit. Some because they have something to hide.

Whatever the reason it shouts rudeness.

#2: Glazed look.

Just have to put this joke in:

Wife: Your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?
Husband: Your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating donuts?

…sorry about distraction.

All of us fall prey to this. Our mind wanders and our eyes glaze over. Leaves a negative impression.

#3: Burning Laser Eye-contact

Here a person just starts staring. Maybe, they are paying attention, but too much eye-contact is like chocolate syrup on a Ice-Cream Sunday. A healthy dose is delicious, but too much is sickening.

Do you make any of these mistakes? Tomorrow, I’ll give you a simple technique that will help you avoid these.

Sewing Machines & Conversation Skills

sewing-machine-637814-mRecently, I made a crucial conversation mistake that ruined my first impression.

My friend and I were picking up some items from a nice neighborhood in a local town.

As I was loading the trailer, the neighbor lady walked out of the house carrying a sewing machine. I could tell her attitude was like dark thunderstorm clouds.

If you had been there, you would have heard:

Me: “Good afternoon.” (cheerfully)

Her: “Hi” (gruffly)

Me: “My mom has a sewing machine like that.” (cheerfully)

Her: (No answer and I could feel the hailstorms plummeting me from her cold shoulder).

Did you catch my mistake?

On a scale of 1 to 10, her attitude/mood was about a 2. I greeted her with an attitude/mood level of 8.

It made her even more upset.

Those of you who have invested in the Conversation Success System know the importance of matching other people’s moods.

When they are cheerful, greet them cheerfully. When they are feeling down, don’t be too cheerful. Match their mood and then slowly become more cheerful. You will help get them out of their bad mood.

By mismatching her mood, it irritated her further.

Did I lose any sleep over it? Nope!

But I did learn my lesson.

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